


Just don't leave

by Iresposts



Series: Belize [5]
Category: Animal Kingdom (TV)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-29
Updated: 2018-10-29
Packaged: 2019-08-09 11:53:39
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,096
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16449446
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Iresposts/pseuds/Iresposts
Summary: Deran and Adrian are back together, but it doesn't take long for them to hit the skids.





	Just don't leave

**Author's Note:**

  * For [littlecountrymouse](https://archiveofourown.org/users/littlecountrymouse/gifts).



> Thank you for the workshopping and advice and for believing in Belize. I will write you bottom Deran one day, I promise.  
> Thank you also to @allthehearteyes for gamely betaing this. You are very much treasured.

_Adrian_

_Some months later_

Adrian was on his back with his legs splayed, with Deran on top of him in between his thighs. They’d finished, and they were both heaving, bodies wet with exertion. It had been good, but he’d felt Deran wasn’t quite as much into it as he pretended. He’s taken ages to get it up, then the plug, then he’d taken way too long to come. The plug had been Adrian’s idea. It had worked to a degree. He knew some of what Deran had liked before, the dozens of men, the fucking. That was the problem being friends as well as lovers, they shared.

It had been great between them when Adrian had first come back, the novelty of it all, but now Adrian knew he was losing Deran. Not emotionally, but sexually.

He traced the slick seam of where the plug nestled inside Deran. Deran made a noise – Adrian wasn’t sure if it was protest or pleasure – as he pulled out of Adrian.

They’d never talked much, but Adrian knew he had to now. There were only a couple of days until he had to leave again. He just didn’t know what he’d say, what he had to offer. Oh, there was the obvious, of course – he could always fuck Deran. Although they’d never done it like that, he had with others. It was OK for him, he didn’t mind it, but that was what it was, just OK, not fantastic. It wasn’t something that would work for him long term. Adrian just loved getting fucked. But what if Deran wanted that now too, and he’s simply not known before when they were together? It would suck after all this time to find themselves sexually incompatible.

Then there was the Linc question. He was out of the picture now, and Adrian believed Deran that it was over, but what if Linc had offered that to Deran? Adrian knew not to judge who topped and who bottomed by how people looked, but Linc was so incredibly muscled and a motocross champion. What if he’d been into fucking Deran? Adrian felt sick.

Everything else was working well, they were having a great time together. There was just this. Even if he fucked Deran, in the end he was just one man. How could he by himself be enough, when Deran was used to so many?

In the end he didn’t say anything. He watched Deran slide the plug out and then dispose of the condom over the side of the platform. Adrian’s mind gnawed at it though for a couple of hours, and he was still thinking about it when sleep overcame him.

_Deran_

Deran left Adrian still asleep. He climbed down the ladder, plug gripped awkwardly in one hand. He found the paper towels, grabbed a wad and wrapped it in it. He washed his hands thoroughly at the sink. He then switched the burner on and slid the pot of water onto the lit one.

He still couldn’t believe that Adrian was back and with him, but the agony of the original loss still lingered. He didn’t think he could cope with it again, that hollow feeling. It would really break him this time. Deran didn’t know why he was obsessing about Adrian leaving now, but then again, he’d always been wary of loving too much. It was too late not to care about Adrian, so he just had to make sure he didn’t leave. House by the beach? Sure, he was working on that. Somewhere nice for them to… be.

It had looked like Adrian had wanted to say something before. Deran knew Adrian had felt him disengage mentally during the sex, but he hadn’t known how to stop it. Occasionally he got so caught up with the idea of Adrian leaving that he couldn’t enjoy being in the moment, being with him. It was what he’d done too to cope when Adrian had left, which kept flashing before his eyes. Richard. The others. It was all caught up into one uneasy mess.

The water was boiling so he slid the silicone toy into it. That had come as a surprise, but he’d gone with it. Whatever Adrian wanted. Deran these days was far more casual about it than he’d been before. He liked it sure, but he didn’t need it like he once had. He’d eventually worked it out there was no way of filling the hole left by Adrian. Because, like, it wasn’t a literal hole, but an emotional one. Once he’d realised, he’d worked on it with a self-help book and enormous amounts of willpower. He still wasn’t quite right about it though, as the last evening showed.

He swirled the water around and watched the plug bob and dip.

“Deran?” Adrian had come up behind him. “Are you seriously disinfecting the butt plug in your bar’s kitchen?”

“Where else, dude?” Deran snapped back and then regretted it immediately. Their time was too precious to waste on a stupid fight. He turned around to apologize, but Adrian cut in.

“You’re right,” said Adrian, “Absolutely. It’s not like you can take it to Smurf’s. Just tell me if you ever make butt plug soup… or like dildo stew or something.” He sat himself down on the counter.

“Sure, man,” Deran shook his head, reluctantly laughing. “I’ll let you know if I’m looking to add new sex toy menu items at the Drop, OK?”

Adrian smiled back at him, but it looked a little strained. Deran felt his stomach lurch. Here it came. It wasn’t going to be anything good, he knew. He hadn’t done anything awful, had he? He tried to think back, but all that came to him was the sex from before.

“So, talking about changing up the menu…” Adrian ran his hand through his hair and cleared his throat, “I wanted to talk to you about it before. What do you think about having a threesome?”

Deran felt the breath leave his chest and not return. He turned to face the stove. He didn’t know what was on his face, but he didn’t want Adrian to see it anyway. A threesome? Adrian wanted a threesome? It didn’t make any sense other than Deran wasn’t performing well enough, that he wasn’t enough. Breath returned after a bit, once he realized he had no choice. If he said no, Adrian might leave, and there were plenty of people on tour, surfers, tourists, groupies who would make Adrian happy. Threesome? OK. It could be no big deal and Adrian would _stay_. Deran could get through it. He’d have to learn how to share. Even some of Adrian’s time, some of Adrian’s body would be enough. The alternative was so much worse.

“That sounds hella hot,” Deran tried for light and succeeded, he thought. If he didn’t have to look Adrian in the eyes, he could manage to keep his cool.

“Do you um…” Adrian paused, “have any ideas about who you might like to be with us?”

Suddenly it got to be too much. This was specifics. This was reality and it wasn’t just going to be an idea to be explored over months, it was happening right now. Deran wanted to eject from the conversation. He was being asked to choose? He didn’t want it!

“I don’t mind,” said Deran evenly.

“What about your friend Richard? He was good at it, right?” said Adrian, “How about him?”

It _was_ about the sex and likely how Deran was off his game the last couple of times. Adrian had obviously listened. Richard might just be alright. He wouldn’t be interested in Adrian because he liked Deran too much already, which was why Deran had broken it off with him. Richard would be safe. But what if after having Adrian Richard changed his mind? Adrian was so hot, so sassy, so _Adrian_ that in Deran’s experience no one was safe. Was it worth the risk? But if he didn’t maybe Adrian would—He tried not to finish the thought. Leave. Adrian could _leave_.

“Richard would be up for it,” he said finally turning around to face Adrian. He would make this work. Whatever Adrian wanted was his.

He clicked on the next burner and got the oil going for heating the salsa for rancheros.

_Adrian_

After breakfast, Adrian left it with Deran to organize it with Richard. Adrian wanted to get some waves in and catch up with Jess who was looking a little like a python who had swallowed a goat. He decided to keep that image to himself. She just looked ready to drop the baby at any second. He straightened the collar of his Hawaiian shirt and he went out the back where he’d parked his car. He felt a bit strange about the enthusiasm that Deran had taken to tapping away at this phone to Richard. Deran was right into it. Adrian felt … a little jealous about that? He thought about mentioning it to Jess, but decided against it, she had other things to worry about.

On the drive back to Chad’s to pick up his dry wetsuit and board, he thought through the rationale for the threesome. It still made sense. He just wanted Deran to have what he’d had before, maybe a familiar face like Richard’s from when he was being satisfied by others would work for him. Logical.

He needed the water badly, so instead of San Onofre, which would be better, he headed for the main beach because it was closer. It’d have to do, even though the waves looked pathetic. He parked, got changed and grabbed his board. He clenched his teeth and remembered the clinical discussion about protection before they’d got onto… configurations.

They’d decided on Deran fucking Adrian as they usually did, and then Richard fucking Deran. Adrian had thought it was probably for the best, Deran would then get what he wanted, being fucked.  Adrian had tried suggesting to Deran that Richard fuck him, and then Adrian fucking Deran, but Deran had looked at him, face white and had said no. Adrian wasn’t sure if he didn’t want to be fucked by him, or if he was possessive. Possessive, he figured. People didn’t change that much.

Still he was giving what he thought Deran needed to be satisfied, multiple men, and being fucked. It’d recharge their sex life and maybe Deran would stop looking so distant when he was with him. It was just about making sure there was enough excitement to go around when they were by themselves.

He waded into the water and started paddling out. He felt like things had changed with Deran in the time they hadn’t been together, Deran had discovered new things about himself and had moved on. He’d wanted Deran to _learn_ that he couldn’t come back, couldn’t break into Adrian’s house, couldn’t beat him up, couldn’t do the million other fucked up things that they’d done to each other since Belize. That was right. He’d done some shitty things too. Like saying that he’d never felt anything about Deran. It was calculated to hurt. He’d just had to make sure that Deran knew just what he’d done and that it wasn’t acceptable, and that Adrian wasn’t going to put up with it any longer. Sending Pope after Dave had been a fucked-up move. He’d known that Deran got jealous, but they’d never had the discussion and then they had in that fucked up way, which had ended with Dave in hospital fighting a lung infection.

It all felt tangled in his head, a little. The Dave thing and this. It was the way that Deran had looked at him when he’d mentioned being fucked by Richard. Adrian tried to think about it logically. He’d gift Deran this, and mention that Deran could have it anytime, if Adrian was with him, and they could do the usual – Deran fucking Adrian – when they were alone. That way Adrian got what he wanted, and so did Deran.

Why was he feeling so conflicted then?

It was Richard, he decided, Richard was the unknown factor. He didn’t know anything about him other than he was great at fucking, which was a terrible basis to base a decision as tough as this on, but he had no choice. Deran was into it. They would make it work. He tried to let it go as he caught the next wave.

\---

They went to the hotel together the next day. Richard had suggested it and since he was paying, and the alternative was Chad’s house or Deran’s bar, they’d thought it was a great idea.

Richard surprised Adrian. He hadn’t expected the Asian features, the thick salt and pepper hair, or the fact that he was several years older than them. He’d just expected… well he hadn’t expected that. From Mark Liston to Clark Lincoln to Richard Whatever, Deran had diverse tastes. The only thing they had in common – oh, right. Deran had mentioned that to him too, and for once, Adrian wished he’s kept his mouth shut on that one. Not muscles in common, but a big fat cock.

Adrian felt the hotel mattress give as Richard got on the bed. Clothes were off, and hadn’t that been awkward? Instead of tearing at each other’s clothes like they normally did, all three had awkwardly undressed like they were at a doctor’s office. Now Deran was at the foot of the bed, knees drawn up as Richard approached Adrian who was lying back on the pillows. Adrian watched Deran as Richard parted Adrian’s legs. Noticing Adrian’s look, Deran smiled back but it looked wrong.

This wasn’t supposed to go like this. Deran was to fuck Adrian, not come, and then be fucked by Richard. But they hadn’t made a move, so Richard had. Adrian didn’t know if he ought to be feeling at all grateful. Richard seemed nice enough, but he didn’t do anything for him. Richard looked at him, his brown eyes were slightly glazed. “Alright?” he mouthed silently to Adrian. Adrian nodded back. Adrian noticed that Deran’s eyes were fixed on Richard’s back.

Richard hauled Adrian’s legs over his shoulders so that his ass was exposed. Adrian felt weird knowing that he was being examined by both Deran and Richard. He drew in a deep breath and tried to relax. This was supposed to be for Deran to be fucked but it wasn’t going to plan. Maybe Richard could fuck them both, that would be OK. He wasn’t sure.

He gasped as he felt Richard’s mouth make contact with his ass. He was good, teasing at the entrance with a pointed tongue, laving with the flat. He pushed in slightly and Adrian moaned loudly, eyes closing. Richard kept going, just making the occasional thrusts in at times, and keeping Adrian guessing about when he would do so every time he entered. Adrian opened his eyes again to the sound of plastic being ripped and felt liquid on his ass.

“No,” yelled Deran, “No, you fucker. We never agreed to this!”  Adrian bolted upright. He saw and then heard Deran’s fist hit Richard’s jaw. Richard scrabbled away from him, arms going to cover his head as Deran continued to punch him.

“Stop it,” Adrian raised his voice, but kept it calm.

Deran froze and then looked at Adrian. He looked expressionless, but his eyes were red with unshed tears. Adrian saw one break free and then slide down his face.

“I’m sorry,” said Deran. Adrian wasn’t sure if the apology was for Richard or for him. He sounded broken.

Adrian spoke Richard’s name and touched his shoulder. “I think we’re not going to do this today? OK man?”

“Yeah,” Richard nodded, “I’m leaving.” He felt his jaw gingerly before heading toward the pile of his clothes on a chair. He hurriedly got them on while both Adrian and Deran tried not to look at each other. Richard opened the door and walked out.

“Deran?” Adrian made to go near Deran, but he moved away hurriedly.

“I’m fine. I just—I lost my shit. He was supposed to fuck me and that was OK. Not you. He wasn’t supposed to fuck you! That wasn’t the plan.” Deran’s face was now red and wet with tears. “I’m sorry. I’m better. I— you didn’t need to see that.”

“Deran. Listen to me. Can I—” Adrian didn’t bother to finish his sentence, just pulled Deran into his arms. “It’s OK, you’re OK. It’s me.” He tipped Deran’s face toward him.

“I know you want to bring people in and it’s sexy, but I can’t do it with you. I’m OK if you want to sleep with other people,” his blue eyes were stark and devoid of hope, “just don’t leave me.”

“But—” Adrian started.

“I just can’t watch it, that’s all. You do whatever you need to, but I’ve done it before and it didn’t help. I just wanted to say that you can, you know? Sleep with other people, just come home to me.”

“But Deran. I thought you needed other people? Like to fuck you? Because you’ve been doing that while I haven’t been around. That’s why I thought we could try it with Richard.”

“What?” Deran disentangled himself from Adrian.

“It was when we were having sex the other day and you looked like you weren’t really into it and I thought it was because you wanted to be fucked.”

“What?” Deran said again.

“Like, I can fuck you, but it’s not something that I’m really into. I’m sorry. I feel really guilty, but I’m not vers. So, I came up with a way for it to work.” Adrian looked down at his hands and had to consciously unclench his fists.

“By suggesting a threesome?” Deran said.

“Yeah,” said Adrian. “I didn’t want you to feel like,” he coughed and continued, “that being with me meant that you couldn’t have that.”

“But I don’t want that Adrian! I want to fuck you, like all the time! We don’t need to switch it around because I’m perfectly happy with how we do it,” said Deran.

“Then why have you been acting so weird?” Adrian was at a loss.

“Nothing man. Just don’t leave.”

“I’m not going anywhere,” said Adrian. Deran let out a deep breath. Adrian chewed on his lip, running through the available options. “Do you want me to tell you why? Because I can.”

“You don’t have to,” said Deran. “Just don’t leave, and I’m good.”


End file.
